Canada: So Nice They’ll Give A Bomb Back To An Airline Passenger

Presented with no further comment:

Skylar Vincent Murphy, 18, of Spruce Grove, Alta., was allowed to get on a flight at Edmonton International Airport on Sept. 20 after he was caught with a pipe bomb by security.

According to details that came out in court, the CATSA guard was caught on video pushing the device back to Murphy. Reportedly, Murphy was told “You can keep it.”

Understanding Romney And The Modern Republican

Hey guys, did you miss me? I’ve been on sabbatical for the holidays and my birthday, but after an evening spent trolling Teabillies, my batteries are fully charged and I’m ready to play. Today, though, I’m going to deviate a bit from protocol; rather than the usual rant full of cynicism and vitriol, I’m going to try and educate you, dear reader.

By this point, you’ve undoubtedly already heard about the federal case being proposed against good old Mr. 47%, Mitt Romney. While it doesn’t surprise me that a businessman – let’s not forget he was always a CEO first and politician second – would be guilty of racketeering, what I found while looking into it did. See, I was originally just going to do a rant on how his love of money shows a distinct disconnect from his coveted religion, and it shows the kind of two-faced individual he really is, but then something odd happened; I looked into his political history. Now this has turned into something bigger that, to me, shows something a lot of people might not have noticed (I sure as hell didn’t) about him, and the republican party as a whole, amidst ramblings on the joys of Randian capitalism.

Nowadays, good old Mitten is adamantly pro-life, with the exception of incest/rape and medically necessary abortions (a damn near liberal stance for a republican), and wants the same views put into law, but back in the day – 1994 to be exact – he had a more central stance befitting someone who once lost a member of his extended family due to a back alley abortion. Hell, he even went so far as to advocate for proper sex education (here meaning that abstinence-only education would be banned and replaced with something actually teaching kids about sex) and emergency contraception by 2002. The Mormon faith has actually emphasized the importance of the nuclear family in deciding contraception since at least 1992, which not only makes much more sense than the “traditional” Catholic view infecting the new GOP, but actually makes a lot of sense for someone who’s so devout to his faith he doesn’t even drink caffeinated beverages. Get on him all you want for believing life begins at conception, but at least he tried to stay true to his faith.

Come 2012, having teamed up with America’s favorite man-child Paul Ryan, Suddenly he’s toeing the party line, with plans to defund Planned Parenthood, the biggest provider of emergency contraception (and, to be fair, abortions do get performed as well, with 5% of the total budget going to performing them). In addition, he’s against embryonic stem cell research being performed on those fetuses aborted, saying I have a wife that has a serious disease that could be affected by stem cell research and others. But I will not create new embryos through cloning or through embryo farming, because that will be creating life for the purpose of destroying it. Oh, and while we’re on the topic, that previous link also mentions that he would attempt to repeal Roe v. Wade, granting the ability to enact pro-life legislation on a state level. Given how the states have reacted to the gutting of the Voter’s Rights Act, with numerous lovely little acts of discrimination, you can imagine how such a repeal would have affected the country.

Let’s move on to economics and look at some of the bigger turnabouts we witnessed. A big talking point was the expiring Bush-era tax cuts,  which are considered instrumental in causing the economic collapse we all lived through. During the years where Dubya thought he was a cowboy, and Old Man Cheney was busy making his friend take it in the face, Mitt refused to take a stance, but a few years later, when he was vying for the nomination, he was suddenly for expanding them; quite honestly, this seems much more likely given he was head of a company (possibly) named after a Batman villain. On top of that, while he wasn’t dumb enough to deny climate change, he thinks it is inappropriate for us to spend billions/trillions on fighting CO2 emissions.

Now, I just spent 600+ words pointing out how Mr. Romney flips more often than a pancake – hilariously enough, he even flip-flopped on flip-flopping – and at this point you might be wondering why. Well, a while back, Justin wrote a little on how Conservativism has become a cult; before that, his lovely colleague at Addicting Info, Julie Driscoll, wrote an article explaining the similarities between the GOP and an abusive partner. I read both articles when they were published, and again while writing this article, and they hit it on the head both times.

I used to think that the way the GOP has changed since being infected with a terminal case of Camellia sinensitis (Tea Party Disease, for those of us not caught up on latin) is like something out of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. After writing this article, I see it’s closer to Romero’s Of the Dead series; a mindless, shambling mass of limbs and hungry, parasitic mouths, spreading their disease to anyone who gets too close. Hell, look at Mr. Mitten; he was never a great man, but at least at some point he had convictions, and as soon as he was vying for the support of the GOP, all that went out the door. He went from being someone with somewhat strong convictions to someone who would say or do anything to get supporters, knowing that if he stopped toeing the line for even a second, he was done for because he had chosen to align himself with a party grown fanatical.

Warren Ellis created a character in  his Cyberpunk epic Transmetropolitan known as The Beast: a politician who’s seemingly an amalgamation of Reagan and Nixon’s worst parts. For the first half of the series, The Beast is built up to be the villain to end villains, only to find out that he had been driven to that point by his party, and at this point in his career was only worried about “getting through the day.” He was the kind of president who would do the bare minimum of work to keep the country functioning properly and the bare minimum population safe and (relatively) happy. I believe that, if the election would have gone the other way, President Romney would have become The Beast (if you don’t believe me, check out the comic; I first read it over a decade after the series was conceived and it was a little scary how everything synched up). In the end, the country would be in shambles, with the person in power a figurehead, the control having long ago been usurped by corporate interests.

Oscar Wilde once said, in his 1889 essay The Decay of Lying, ”Life imitates art,” but, the sad thing is, sometimes I think he was right.

-Don’t Panic

(Alright guys, I have an assignment for you. I’ll be splitting my time between writing here and my new freelancing gig with Pride Media, as well as my personal site. You fine folks must be coming here for something, so I want you guys to suggest what I should write on next, and if I can, I’ll write on anything you suggest. Leave me good ideas in the comments!)

Oh Please Oh Please Oh Please!!!

The Hill reports Darrell “I’ll catch you, you wascally wabbit!” Issa has a serious agenda for 2014:

Rep. Darrell Issa (R-Calif.) in 2014 will pursue the IRS scandal, the deadly Benghazi attack and the botched Fast and Furious operation in what will likely be his last year as the House GOP’s chief investigator.

Issa sounded a cautionary note that the investigations might not conclude while he has the gavel.

Every scandal the right has manufactured has completely failed to stick. Mostly because the lies the GOP fed the public kept getting exposed. At this point, they’re reduced to screaming BENGHAZI at the top of their lungs and hope that the rather large part of the electorate that doesn’t watch Fox News will mistake “loud” for “possibly true.”

Good luck with that!

Ireland’s Economic “Recovery”: The Emerald Lie

It must suck to be a liberal economist these days. The entire field has been distorted by conservatives who look at reality and refuse to acknowledge it. This is a field with highly educated people and they look at a chart of Ireland’s austerity fueled “recovery” and claim “It worked!”

Six years to go up one point is a recovery?!

Six years to go up one point is a recovery?!

Wow. What a success story! Sure, Ireland’s a smoldering wreck, but look! The fires are out! Victory!

As the German finance minister, Wolfgang Schäuble, a fiscal hawk, put it in October: “Ireland did what Ireland had to do. And now everything is fine.

It must be nice to live in that kind of bubble. Once upon a time, conservatives raged about “Ivory Tower” liberals that were out of touch with the common man. These days, the Ivory Tower 1% gaze down from their lofty positions of power and can’t even see the ants peons unwashed scum rest of us scurrying about. A few million unemployed here, a few unemployed million there, nothing to worry about as long as the stock markets are stable.

In Which I Tear A Religious Bigot To Shreds

Conservatives hate hate HATE being called out on their hypocrisy. Particularly their religious hypocrisy. They seem to think they are above reproach when they spew their bile and hide behind the Bible. This comic, posted by a long time friend, Rikki Stamberg Beaver, pretty much sums it up:

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Of course, one of her conservative “Christian” friends, Veronica, felt persecuted by this and responded in the following manner:

Veronica Maratea LaRock The problem is that liberals do not “make their own choices without trying to force us not to practice our Christianity. I have no problems with liberals and gays! Hey if they want to go to Hell it is their choice not mine!! But when they try and talk Christians into believing that aborting their children are okay, I have a problem. When they start trying to make Christian boys who play with Barbies that they may be gay and it is okay, I have a problem. When they start saying it is not okay for me to display my nativity, it is not okay :( As long as your religion does not interfere with mine, I am fine but when you tell me that my religion is an issue – yes I have a problem. Why you guys cannot see that, I have no idea :( Jews do not believe in killing babies or do they care if I have a nativity – just like I do not care if they have a Menorah!! Please do not make this situation what it is not….. We call ourselves Judeo-Christian for a reason… sorry you sound like an atheist not a Jew…

Let’s break this down, line by line and see just how Veronica absolutely proves that conservative “Christians” are some of the worst people in the world.

“ The problem is that liberals do not “make their own choices without trying to force us not to practice our Christianity.” No, the problem is that scumbag right wingers like Veronica are not content to worship in private as Jesus commanded (Matthew 6:6). Instead, they insist they be able to use tax payer dollars and government institutions to promote their hate-filled distortion of Christianity. So not only are they spitting in the face of their religion, they’re pissing on the Constitution they also claim to venerate.

I have no problems with liberals and gays! Hey if they want to go to Hell it is their choice not mine!! I have no problem with you but wish eternal pain and suffering on you. What a good Christian she is! 

But when they try and talk Christians into believing that aborting their children are okay, I have a problem. Actually, no one tries to convince anyone that abortion is OK, what liberals say is “If a woman wants to have an abortion, IT’S NONE OF YOUR FUCKING BUSINESS!” Remember, Veronica is upset that people try to force their views on her (even when no one is). But it’s perfectly acceptable for her to dictate what YOU can do because SHE says so. Yeah, she really is that big of a hypocrite.

When they start trying to make Christian boys who play with Barbies that they may be gay and it is okay, I have a problem. No one tells little kids they may be gay. This is the kind of whiny persecution complex bullshit that morons like Veronica live for. “Oh woe is me! The world is out to get me! Therefor, all of my bigotry is justified!” As my friends Rikki and The Irish Wench would put it: What a twat waffle!

When they start saying it is not okay for me to display my nativity, it is not okay. I will pay Veronica $100 if she can prove to me that she was prohibited from displaying a nativity scene on her private property. Fuck it, make it $1000. I know you’re reading this you egotistical little shit, put your money where your faux-pious mouth is. 

Now, if you’re whining about not being able to display your religion on public property, which you almost certainly are, please shut the fuck up. We both know that you would squeal like a stuck pig if Muslims asked to put up an Islamic shrine at your local town hall during Ramadan. That’s the Islamic holy month, you ignorant shit.

“As long as your religion does not interfere with mine, I am fine but when you tell me that my religion is an issue – yes I have a problem. Why you guys cannot see that, I have no idea “ Ah? So when someone ELSE’S religion doesn’t interfere it’s OK but when Veronica insists that her religion take precedence, we should all bow before her? Yeah, that’s a whole lot of hubris there. The arrogance is simply stunning.

“Jews do not believe in killing babies or do they care if I have a nativity – just like I do not care if they have a Menorah!! Please do not make this situation what it is not….. We call ourselves Judeo-Christian for a reason… sorry you sound like an atheist not a Jew…” Rikki is Jewish, as am I (although I’m completely non-practicing and Rikki eats pork). For this presumptuous phony Christian to tell ANYONE, much less actual Jews, how Jews view abortion has got to be one of the most galling statements I’ve come across in some time. Just to be clear, NO, Jews do not consider abortion to be murder. Why? Because the BIBLE does not consider abortion to be murder so they do not teach that it is. Here’s a poll of 1000 Jewish adults (page 24):

abortion

Yeah, I think Veronica doesn’t know what the hell she is talking about. She regularly spouts nonesense and then gets offended when called on it in public. She spent days insisting that death panels are actually IN the Obamacare law. I demanded she look it up and quote it. She huffed and puffed and then sent me a private message asking me to drop it because she realized she couldn’t find it. She couldn’t even bring herself to admit she was wrong in public. And I’ll bet money she still claims the death panels are coming.

Veronica is the perfect example of the kind of personal nastiness that far too many conservative “Christians” harbor behind their plastic smiles. They go to church on Sunday, sing hymns about love and peace and then go back home. There, they complain about those goddamn gays and fucking liberals and salivate at the idea of them burning in hell. Jesus is just a name they blather to hide the anger and resentment they have at a country that has loudly rejected their ideology of bigotry.

Personally, I wish a long and healthy life on Veronica. I want her to live long enough for her grandchildren and great-grandchildren to whisper to their friends about her. “Don’t pay any attention to her. She’s one of those people. You know, the ones that think homosexuals are evil or something.” The frustration of all her hopes and dreams for the suffering of others who don’t believe in her small and painfully twisted version of Christianity will be, to me, far more satisfying than any punishment in the afterlife.

Obamacare Starts Up And Millions Now Have Health Insurance, Conservatives Outraged

I cannot WAIT to hear the outrage OUTRAGE from conservatives over the impending glitches in Obamacare. If millions of new people were to be added to the system and there were NO glitches, it would be a digital miracle. BTW, if that were to actually happen, you will never EVER see it reported on the evening news. Liberal media bias and all that.

More realistically, there will be names that were input the wrong way, duplications, omissions, etc.

This is what Fox News and AM Hate Radio will seize upon in a new frenzy.

The funny part will be:
A. Watching conservatives complain that people who have never had health insurance before are not getting it RIGHT NOW because of a glitch.
B. Watching conservatives pretend they give a flying fuck about those people.

Liberal/Conservative Resolutions For 2014

Liberal/Conservative resolutions:

1. (L) To continue giving a crap about people I don’t know.
(C) To continue not giving a crap about people I don’t know.

2. (L) To piss off as many conservatives as humanly possible using facts.
(C) To piss off as many liberals as humanly possible by ignoring all facts.

3. (L) To mock religious fundamentalists. Especially evolution denying Creationists.
(C) To embrace religious fundamentalists. Especially evolution denying Creationists.

4. (L) To vote for a working government. America has problems to solve for the benefit of all..
(C) To vote for a broken government. America is solving too many problems for the benefit of people who are not me.

5. (L) To look forward to a brighter future for everyone.
(C) To look back at a brighter past for everyone that looked just like me.

I wish this was an exaggeration….Oh well. HAPPY NEW YEAR!

Proof That Conservatism Is Becoming A Cult

I just caught this on Little Green Footballs and it absolutely confirms what I’ve been saying about conservatives for some time: They are a cult.

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The more cult-like conservatism becomes, the more the right will reject any and all information that does not fit their doctrine. If Fox News denies Climate Change, it will not matter if Florida disappears under a rising ocean. If AM Hate Radio says homosexuality is a “lifestyle choice,” scientists could conclusively find the “Gay Gene” tomorrow and it won’t matter. And if the GOP deems evolution to be “lies straight from the pit of hell?” Well, then that’s what conservatives will believe regardless of evidence to the contrary.

After all, if Fox News/Republicans/AM Hate Radio is lying to them about evolution, what else might they be lying about? Better not to ask. Conservatives are not actually stupid. They are quite aware of how fragile their entire worldview is and anything that threatens their core beliefs, even things they know to be true, must be ignored.

Season’s Beatings, Everyone!

Salvation-Army-Kettle-Ringer-2-originalThis article was inspired by the always funny Steve Marmel.

Well folks, after a finals week that saw me sleeping once every three days, I’m finally back to rant at your face holes; and what great thing will we start the week off with? Well, how about someone getting attacked for saying Happy Holidays? Christian Post  mentioned last week that a Salvation Army bell-ringer was attacked by a woman in front of Walmart for being politically correct. While I can certainly understand if she’s upset, does it really warrant a haymaker? I hate political correctness, and even I say happy holidays!

Now, the Salvation Army has some questionable policies regarding homosexuals, and even more questionable rules and conditions in their homeless shelters – my night spent in there found me sharing a dorm with about 100 people per room, and having to pay my last $5 to get a bed with no pillow, blanket, or sheets for the night – but the fact is that the individuals in the church will often balk at the misconceptions placed on them. Much like there are good Christians out there, there are good “Soldiers,” The Ex notwithstanding, and they are often only trying to do good.

Bear in mind, Kristina Vindiola was attacked for saying Happy Holidays by a woman who thought the only acceptable winter holiday is Christmas, going so far as to ask “Do you believe in God?” before repeatedly hitting her in the arm and body.

Quick question: who here knows the real history of Christmas? It’s not Jesus’ birthday (that would actually have been midsummer, according to the bible), but rather a holiday adopted by the church to distract people from the pagan holiday Saturnalia (or rebrand it as their own, depending on your source), with 12/25 being the final day of a weeklong festival devoted to such festive activities as rape, getting shithoused, and glorious, glorious man-love. Before that, it was and still is a pagan/wiccan holiday celebrating the winter solstice; evidence can be seen all around you: the gifts are symbolic of Saint Nicholas’ tendency to chuck bags of gold into homes of peasant whores in the dead of night to allow them to leave that life; the tree is a symbol of the norse god Thor; Mistletoe was thought to contain semen of the Gods, and kissing under it was thought to bring fertility. What we think of as Christmas today is nothing but a Frankensteinien creation of the church to force us to spend time with relatives we otherwise wouldn’t go near, and to celebrate their patron deity.

While what do today is nowhere near the old traditions, the feelings of kinship and appreciation are universal regardless of religion. I’m Buddhist; we don’t have a holiday like christmas, and many of us don’t even celebrate Christmas itself (it’s kind of hard to detach yourself from the material world while someone’s giving you an ipod), but I do because it’s important to The Missus.

I guess my point here is that, regardless of your chosen faith and holiday, and regardless of what someone says to you, if you understand the words behind a message but not it’s intent, it’s time to step back and ask if there’s something wrong with you, rather than the rest of the world.

-Don’t Panic

Health Insurance Industry Tells the Koch Brothers And GOP To F*ck Off

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DON’T TELL ME I CAN’T HAVE HEALTH INSURANCE YOU BILLIONAIRE PRICKS!

One of the worst kept secrets is that the Koch Brothers are funding “Generation Opportunity,,” GO is the “grassroots” (I do not think that word means what you think it means) organization that is trying to convince college age students to not sign up for health insurance. The idea is to keep the young and healthy, the people whose premiums will subsidize the old and sick, away so the entire program crashes. You know, the exact opposite of letting the free market work.

As I’ve said a number of times before, if Obamacare is so dreadful and doomed, why is the right trying so very hard to sabotage it? Shouldn’t it fail on its own no matter what?

Turns out that some other people are pretty sure that Obamacare is going to work just fine and they’re planning on making sure of it:

In all of 2012, health insurers spent $216 million advertising on local television stations. But that’s nothing compared to what they’re about to spend. According to trade association TVB, insurers will spend more than $500 million on local television ads in 2014. And that’s to say nothing of cable television ads and social media campaigns.

Insurers look at these next few years as a gold rush. Tens of millions of people will be buying private insurance of the exchanges. It’s a swarm of customers like nothing they’ve ever seen. And they plan to capture them — even if they need to spend hundreds of millions of dollars to do so.

Yeah, I think the right is about to get an unpleasant lesson about the “free market” they claim to worship. Usually, big money gets spent to push back against Democratic legislation. I look forward to the bitching and moaning from conservatives about “fascism” and how unfair it is that corporations are in Obama’s pocket. Where’s my popcorn?

Stephen-Colbert-Popcorn