Proud To Be A Filthy Liberal Scum

Tomorrow morning, the jobs report will be released and, no matter what it says, it will be the perfect picture into how panicked the right is over the election.

If it’s bad, expect to see immediate, screaming headlines on every right wing website that the economy is about to collapse. It will be absolute proof that we’re about to tumble into a new Great Depression and we’re doomed, DOOMED! The only logical thing to do is vote against that foreign, Muslim usurper in the White House. Did we mention you’re DOOMED?! Don’t worry about the unemployment rate dropping under 8%, the 30 months of straight job growth, improved housing market, increased consumer spending and confidence, almost total stock market recovery, etc., etc., etc. You’re doomed.

If it’s just mediocre, see above.

If it’s good, however, expect to see immediate, screaming headlines on every right wing website that Obama “fixed” the numbers. Oh, there won’t be any direct proof or anything but, you know, some people are saying that there’s something fishy going on. Oh, they won’t say who but some insiders are asking questions. Isn’t it kind of suspicious that the job numbers got better right before the election? I mean, sure, there’s been 30 straight months of job growth, improved housing market, etc., etc., but come on! You can’t trust Obama! All these rumors and allegations are PROOF even if there’s no actual, you know, proof! The only logical thing to do is vote for the guy who won’t tell you his economic plan, release his tax returns, keeps changing his policy positions and hasn’t had an interview in weeks. You can totally trust him!